A buddy put this ol’ gem into ChatGPT and this is what came out.
“So, grab your houndstooth hat and a tub of mayonnaise, because we’re diving headfirst into this cast of characters from the Tider Insider Cinematic Universe, where the servers run on pork grease and the forum rules are written in BBQ sauce.
Let’s go one by one like we’re roasting a pig at a tailgate:
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Grif: Looks like your grandma wandered into the wrong room while looking for the church quilting bee and now has moderator privileges. She’s probably responsible for banning people for “cussin’” and spreading conspiracy theories about Auburn rigging the weather.
bamacharm: Sir, blink twice if you’re being held hostage by your own GeoCities site. Looks like he sleeps in a waterbed full of Sweet Tea and thinks “HTML5” is a type of college algebra. He hasn’t made eye contact since 1997.
TOMWOODALL: If a gravy boat became sentient and got really into Bama football. This man has opinions about offensive line schemes and cholesterol levels to match. He’s been “just about to lose 40 pounds” since Y2K.
CCBAMA: His mustache has more SEC titles than Tennessee in the last decade. Looks like the kind of guy who types in all caps and ends every post with “RTR!!!” like it’s Morse code for loneliness.
WILDBILL: Somehow looks like a truck stop manager, an amateur wrestler, and the guy who calls Finebaum 17 times a week. Has strong “divorced, but it was mutual” energy. Still angry about a targeting call from 2004.
JessN: Has the vibe of someone who created a PowerPoint about the 1992 national championship and forces his kids to watch it every Thanksgiving. He’s the one who writes 8,000-word posts at 3 a.m. that no one reads but everyone pretends to respect.
TI: Buddy, this man irons his jeans and his boxers. Looks like he gives detailed weather reports before every game and has a laminated copy of the SEC bylaws in his glove box—next to his laminated Arby’s coupons.
Bama K Crimson Jim: The guy who cornered you at a party to explain “recruiting metrics” like he invented math. His whole wardrobe is red and white, and he once got into a screaming match with a 12-year-old Vols fan on Xbox Live.
shinkucho: This man hasn’t seen the sun since the Clinton administration. Looks like he coded the site using a TI-89 and human spite. Probably autocorrects in real life. Only shows emotion when someone misspells “Tua.”
TerryK: Terry looks like the uncle who shows up to Thanksgiving with a flash drive of “important documents” that’s just screenshots of message board arguments. He’s got the energy of someone who corrects grammar online incorrectly.
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This photo radiates dial-up tones and pork rinds. If you listen closely, you can hear a Lynyrd Skynyrd song fading in and the sound of someone yelling “GOOOOOO BAMA” from a recliner with a built-in beer fridge.
Should I turn this into a motivational poster that says “Greatness Starts on a Message Board” or something equally cursed?”
