I'm chilling in my daughters kiddie pool. Its been a long hot day and a long time since I've done one of these. Bare with me while I work my storytelling chops back into shape.
If you don't know what Tub Time is, than you're stupid AF. All of us insiders know that Shug used to soak in a hot tub the Thursday before a big game (I know I'm a day late, but this might be my new Tub night). Pat Dye took on the tradition and added cigarettes and lots of liquor. Terry Bowden got rid of the cigarettes, but added hookers. Tuberville perfected the Tub experience by getting rid of dirty hookers but going with alcohol and cigars. He also started using Epsom salt for his hemorrhoids. Chizik came in and removed every single bad habit and put a curtain around the Tub so no one could see him naked......it worked well for keeping secrets, but damn if he wasn't a prude. Gus doesn't soak often. He's too busy watching film and pumping fresh breast milk. He has soaked a few times before Amen corner and it does seems to help relax his sphincter. Kristi often takes his place in the traditional Tub Time and she has a smokin' body. Her bewbs aren't quite as good as Gus's, but at least she isn't carrying a dong.
Last month my daughter (4 year old) played in her kiddie pool (the one I'm now sitting in) while I did yard work. Afterwards, we both needed a shower/bath. In our master bath there is a stand up shower that backs up to a large bath tub. So I set up the tub for her and I took a shower. Just as soon as I got shampoo in my hair, I hear my daughter say, "daddy I got to go potty"! She can't climb out of the Tub on her own so I'm in a predicament. I start washing the shampoo out of my hair to the sounds of, "hurry daddy." I say, "do you have to poo or pee." She screams, "both"!!!!! Me, "why didn't you go before you got in the Tub"?!?!?..............(silence)...............
"Harper? Are you ok?"
H "Daddy, I pooped in the Tub." (Very disappointingly). "I don't want it near me!!!" (Fear)
Me "Leave it! Do not touch it! Give me one second and I'll help. Do not touch it! You hear me! (Horror)
Silence......
Me "You touched it, didn't you." (Of course)
H "Yes daddy. I'm holding it." (Sad)
Me "Put it down!" (Abrupt)
H (now crying) "ok daddy, I put it down." (Small part of innocence departing)
Me "Megan!!!! I need your help!!!!" (Frantic)
Megan from downstairs (frantic) "what's wrong!" (Did someone get hurt?)
Just as my wife enters and I get around the barrier between shower and tub, I see my daughter with her knees pulled up in front of her and head down crying. On the ledge of the Tub in front of her is a giant heap of regret. Looks like a large animal dropped it there. No way it could've come from my little girl.
Megan, "i thought it was an emergency. I thought someone was hurt."
Me, .......... "if this isn't a huge deal to you, than I'm just gonna slide right back into the shower and let the professional handle it."
Megan......(eye roll, mumbles something under her breath).
I don't really know the moral of this story. There's probably many of them. You decide. What's the moral of this story as it pertains to Gus tomorrow?
The end
PS. I've gotta get my creativity flowing again, but it'll come.
If you don't know what Tub Time is, than you're stupid AF. All of us insiders know that Shug used to soak in a hot tub the Thursday before a big game (I know I'm a day late, but this might be my new Tub night). Pat Dye took on the tradition and added cigarettes and lots of liquor. Terry Bowden got rid of the cigarettes, but added hookers. Tuberville perfected the Tub experience by getting rid of dirty hookers but going with alcohol and cigars. He also started using Epsom salt for his hemorrhoids. Chizik came in and removed every single bad habit and put a curtain around the Tub so no one could see him naked......it worked well for keeping secrets, but damn if he wasn't a prude. Gus doesn't soak often. He's too busy watching film and pumping fresh breast milk. He has soaked a few times before Amen corner and it does seems to help relax his sphincter. Kristi often takes his place in the traditional Tub Time and she has a smokin' body. Her bewbs aren't quite as good as Gus's, but at least she isn't carrying a dong.
Last month my daughter (4 year old) played in her kiddie pool (the one I'm now sitting in) while I did yard work. Afterwards, we both needed a shower/bath. In our master bath there is a stand up shower that backs up to a large bath tub. So I set up the tub for her and I took a shower. Just as soon as I got shampoo in my hair, I hear my daughter say, "daddy I got to go potty"! She can't climb out of the Tub on her own so I'm in a predicament. I start washing the shampoo out of my hair to the sounds of, "hurry daddy." I say, "do you have to poo or pee." She screams, "both"!!!!! Me, "why didn't you go before you got in the Tub"?!?!?..............(silence)...............
"Harper? Are you ok?"
H "Daddy, I pooped in the Tub." (Very disappointingly). "I don't want it near me!!!" (Fear)
Me "Leave it! Do not touch it! Give me one second and I'll help. Do not touch it! You hear me! (Horror)
Silence......
Me "You touched it, didn't you." (Of course)
H "Yes daddy. I'm holding it." (Sad)
Me "Put it down!" (Abrupt)
H (now crying) "ok daddy, I put it down." (Small part of innocence departing)
Me "Megan!!!! I need your help!!!!" (Frantic)
Megan from downstairs (frantic) "what's wrong!" (Did someone get hurt?)
Just as my wife enters and I get around the barrier between shower and tub, I see my daughter with her knees pulled up in front of her and head down crying. On the ledge of the Tub in front of her is a giant heap of regret. Looks like a large animal dropped it there. No way it could've come from my little girl.
Megan, "i thought it was an emergency. I thought someone was hurt."
Me, .......... "if this isn't a huge deal to you, than I'm just gonna slide right back into the shower and let the professional handle it."
Megan......(eye roll, mumbles something under her breath).
I don't really know the moral of this story. There's probably many of them. You decide. What's the moral of this story as it pertains to Gus tomorrow?
The end
PS. I've gotta get my creativity flowing again, but it'll come.
