They pitched camp at Bridgestone, between Lower Broad and The Gulch. 2 Bruce and the AUsraelites assembled and drew up their battle line to meet the Philistines. 3 The Philistines occupied one bench and the AUsraelites another, with the scorer's table between them.
4 A champion named Caliath, came out of the Philistine camp. His lineup was 22 cubits and a span. 5 He had helmet of hair on his head and wore a coat of Armani costing five thousand shekels; 6 His men wore a suit of blue Nike. 7 their feet in white Nike with a blue swoosh upon them. His lineup went ahead of him.
8 Caliath stood and shouted to the ranks of AUsrael, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Auburn? Choose 5 men and have them come out to us. 9 If they are able to fight and slay us, you will play for a Bid to the dance; but if we overcome them and slay you, you will be sent home and not play til October." 10 Then the Philistine said, "This day I defy the armies of AUsrael! Give me 5 men and let us fight each other." 11 On hearing the Philistine's words, Bruce and all the Israelites were dismayed, but not terrified.
25 Now the announcers had been saying, "Do you see how this man keeps coming out? He comes out to defy AUsrael. The king Jay will give great wealth to the coach who slays them. He will also give him his bonus and exempt his family from taxes in AUsrael."
26 Bruce asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the men who kill these Philistines and removes this disgrace from AUsrael? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
32 Harrell said to Bruce, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistines; your servant will go and fight them."
33 The announcers replied, "You are not able to go out against these Philistine and fight them; you are only a smallish 2-guard playing forward, and they have guards taller than your forwards."
34 But Bruce said unto ESPN, "Your servant has been keeping Barbee the Philistine's sheep. When a an Aggie or a Bengal came and put an NBA forward on the floor, 35 I went after it, stuck a walkon forward on him and rescued these sheep from defeat. When one turned on Granger, and seized him by his hair, lo, he did strike him, and later we fouled him out. 36 Your servant has killed both the Aggie and the Bengal; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The Lord who rescued me from the Show Cause penalty will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine."
Bruce said his team, "Go, and the Lord be with you."
38 Then Bruce dressed his men in a tunic of Under Armor and on them trimmed in orange.
40 Then he took his staff by the hand, chose five tired players from the bench, put them in the game, with his greaseboard in hand, approached the Philistines.
41 Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his lineup in front on the floor, kept 2 men coming closer to Harrell. 42 He looked Harrell over and saw that he was little more than 6 ft, glowing with perspiration from 3 long games, and he despised him. 43 He said to Bruce, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with midgets and walkons?" And the Philistine cursed Bruce by his gods. 44 "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the Hawgs and the Dawgs!"
45 Bruce said to the Philistine, "You come against me with 5-stars, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of AUsrael, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I'll strike you down and cost you the 1 seed. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the Dawgs or the Hawgs, and the whole world will know that there is a God in AUsrael. 47 All those gathered here watching ESPN will know that it is not by One and Dones or AAU Shoe Deals that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
48 As the Philistines moved closer to attack him, Harrell ran quickly around a screen to avoid them. 49 Reaching into his repertoire and picking up his dribble, he slung many a 3 pointer and struck the Philistine's goal on the bottom of the net. The shots sank repeatedly, and the defenders fell facedown on each pumpfake.
50 So Bruce triumphed over the Philistine with a short lineup and a shorter bench; without a 5star on his roster he struck down the Philistines and slayed them.
51 Bruce ran and stood over the goal. He took hold of the scissors he drew from his pocket. After he slayed them, he cut down the nets.
When the Philistine's fans saw that their heroes were defeated, they turned and ran. 52 Then the men of AUsrael and Nashville surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines offering to buy their tickets to the Final on Sunday. Their fans were strewn along the 65 road to Bowling Green and beyond. 53 When the AUsraelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they had plundered their ticketbooks.
54 Bruce shook the Philistine's hand and brought much mirth to ESPN; he put the Philistine's nets in his own tent.
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This post was edited on 3/14 6:51 AM by Nash Tiger
4 A champion named Caliath, came out of the Philistine camp. His lineup was 22 cubits and a span. 5 He had helmet of hair on his head and wore a coat of Armani costing five thousand shekels; 6 His men wore a suit of blue Nike. 7 their feet in white Nike with a blue swoosh upon them. His lineup went ahead of him.
8 Caliath stood and shouted to the ranks of AUsrael, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Auburn? Choose 5 men and have them come out to us. 9 If they are able to fight and slay us, you will play for a Bid to the dance; but if we overcome them and slay you, you will be sent home and not play til October." 10 Then the Philistine said, "This day I defy the armies of AUsrael! Give me 5 men and let us fight each other." 11 On hearing the Philistine's words, Bruce and all the Israelites were dismayed, but not terrified.
25 Now the announcers had been saying, "Do you see how this man keeps coming out? He comes out to defy AUsrael. The king Jay will give great wealth to the coach who slays them. He will also give him his bonus and exempt his family from taxes in AUsrael."
26 Bruce asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the men who kill these Philistines and removes this disgrace from AUsrael? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
32 Harrell said to Bruce, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistines; your servant will go and fight them."
33 The announcers replied, "You are not able to go out against these Philistine and fight them; you are only a smallish 2-guard playing forward, and they have guards taller than your forwards."
34 But Bruce said unto ESPN, "Your servant has been keeping Barbee the Philistine's sheep. When a an Aggie or a Bengal came and put an NBA forward on the floor, 35 I went after it, stuck a walkon forward on him and rescued these sheep from defeat. When one turned on Granger, and seized him by his hair, lo, he did strike him, and later we fouled him out. 36 Your servant has killed both the Aggie and the Bengal; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The Lord who rescued me from the Show Cause penalty will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine."
Bruce said his team, "Go, and the Lord be with you."
38 Then Bruce dressed his men in a tunic of Under Armor and on them trimmed in orange.
40 Then he took his staff by the hand, chose five tired players from the bench, put them in the game, with his greaseboard in hand, approached the Philistines.
41 Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his lineup in front on the floor, kept 2 men coming closer to Harrell. 42 He looked Harrell over and saw that he was little more than 6 ft, glowing with perspiration from 3 long games, and he despised him. 43 He said to Bruce, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with midgets and walkons?" And the Philistine cursed Bruce by his gods. 44 "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the Hawgs and the Dawgs!"
45 Bruce said to the Philistine, "You come against me with 5-stars, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of AUsrael, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I'll strike you down and cost you the 1 seed. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the Dawgs or the Hawgs, and the whole world will know that there is a God in AUsrael. 47 All those gathered here watching ESPN will know that it is not by One and Dones or AAU Shoe Deals that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
48 As the Philistines moved closer to attack him, Harrell ran quickly around a screen to avoid them. 49 Reaching into his repertoire and picking up his dribble, he slung many a 3 pointer and struck the Philistine's goal on the bottom of the net. The shots sank repeatedly, and the defenders fell facedown on each pumpfake.
50 So Bruce triumphed over the Philistine with a short lineup and a shorter bench; without a 5star on his roster he struck down the Philistines and slayed them.
51 Bruce ran and stood over the goal. He took hold of the scissors he drew from his pocket. After he slayed them, he cut down the nets.
When the Philistine's fans saw that their heroes were defeated, they turned and ran. 52 Then the men of AUsrael and Nashville surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines offering to buy their tickets to the Final on Sunday. Their fans were strewn along the 65 road to Bowling Green and beyond. 53 When the AUsraelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they had plundered their ticketbooks.
54 Bruce shook the Philistine's hand and brought much mirth to ESPN; he put the Philistine's nets in his own tent.
l
This post was edited on 3/14 6:51 AM by Nash Tiger
