Some of you guys may know I have had some disputes with neighbors and unwanted house guests before. I am a very laid back guy, so I am not sure how this keeps happening to me. So I have this new neighbor, let's call him Barf. Barf is like 6'4 and must weigh 400 pounds. He is pale white, and appears totally hairless. So, now that the weather has gotten warmer, Barf goes out on his deck (which sits about two feet higher than our privacy fence) I guess to sun itself. I don't really know. So I see him out there, and Barf is wearing what appears to be ... maybe a king sized bed sheet? Like, as a wrap? He is wearing it like a beach towel and it barely fits. He has these huge mammories flopping around his massive torso with nipples that are like the size of basketballs cut in half. It's repulsive. So I am mowing the lawn and Barf walks up to the rail and his "sheet" kind of blows back in the wind, and there is Barf's pecker. All I can tell you is, it reminded me of Jaba the Hut with that creepy little pet of his. You know what I mean. Well I walked inside and had a scotch because I felt nauseated to the point of blinding myself with a spoon, but after I recovered from that bout, I head over and knock on his door. I explain that he needs to wear something with better coverage, it's public indecency, think of the children, that sort of thing. I think he may have PTSD or head trauma or something, but he seems barely conversant and kind of grunts and shuts his door. A few days pass, no problem. Then today, I go out back and he has literally dumped his trashcan off his deck into my yard. Talk about meats and cheeses, this guy must have an exclusive contract with Stoffer's. So I am headed back over there, packing my tazer. This crap cannot stand man.
Any advice? Lawyers? Doctors? Engineers? I feel like I am going to need a team to fix this. Reminder, this is serious.
Any advice? Lawyers? Doctors? Engineers? I feel like I am going to need a team to fix this. Reminder, this is serious.
