Feel free to critique or add to. I reserve the right to update this as we progress ...
Lane Kiffin
The Number One with a Coke. The Big Mac. It’s the first thing your mind goes to when you think McDonald’s and tasty. It’s been around since it was new and hip and young, and it’s still appealing. The fries are a little salty, but they’re still hot and stay fresh. The burger itself is unique but a modern classic. Everyone knows what the special sauce is, but it still goes well with it. They could probably charge more for this one than anything else, but you know it and feel safe with it. Most people love it, but there’s always someone who complains the meat isn’t as thick as it used to be. The special sauce just doesn’t appeal to some people, and the lettuce is a little too grainy.
Jeff Grimes
Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is where you go if you just want a burger. It’s basic, but it’s the only way to get real beef. And if beef is what you think you need, this is it. The cheese is there, but it’s just general American cheese. Folks up north may not think it goes well with beef, but it’s a kind of cheesiness most southerners like, and even the ones to whom the openness about religion isn’t a plus don’t necessarily mind it to that extent. They’re happy to order it off the menu just like it comes. But it’s never been hyped, marketed or a mainstream menu item. It’ll fill you up well enough, but don’t expect to feel any thrills.
Coach Prime
McDonald’s Monopoly. It’s not even a menu item. It’s just the most hyped marketing promotion of all time. You could win $1 million just for eating your burger. But you can also don’t even have to order any substance to get a game piece—you can go the all hype route and not even worry about the meal itself. It’s showing up in every newspaper, and the ads are 24/7. Some people react to that and can’t stop ordering combos and upsizing their fries to get extra game pieces this month. But just make sure you know you may end up with $300 spent collecting Park Place never to find Boardwalk. The $20 headphones from Atlantic Avenue are super dope, though.
Hugh Freeze
McDonald’s introduces the McRib. Again. It shows up on the menu every few years and gets heavily promoted. You get told you have to try it. It was so flashy when it started out, it even recruited Michael Jordan (albeit you know they had to pay him a heck of a lot to eat the McRib). But now in its third or fourth iteration, you’re not sure who’s coming on board with it. You know someone out there has to like it or they wouldn’t keep bringing it back, but to this day you can’t understand who or why. I mean, it did beat the Whopper a couple times back when the Whopper was in its prime, so there has to be something to it. The “meat” on it seems fake. Kinda rubbery. The sauce is gooey. You kinda suspect McDonald’s somehow lied about its sales numbers because you’ve never talked to anyone who liked it. But you keep getting told you’re going to buy it and like it.
Urban Meyer
The filet mignon, or at least the New York strip. Let’s be real, this is McDonald's. It’s not on the menu.
Lane Kiffin
The Number One with a Coke. The Big Mac. It’s the first thing your mind goes to when you think McDonald’s and tasty. It’s been around since it was new and hip and young, and it’s still appealing. The fries are a little salty, but they’re still hot and stay fresh. The burger itself is unique but a modern classic. Everyone knows what the special sauce is, but it still goes well with it. They could probably charge more for this one than anything else, but you know it and feel safe with it. Most people love it, but there’s always someone who complains the meat isn’t as thick as it used to be. The special sauce just doesn’t appeal to some people, and the lettuce is a little too grainy.
Jeff Grimes
Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is where you go if you just want a burger. It’s basic, but it’s the only way to get real beef. And if beef is what you think you need, this is it. The cheese is there, but it’s just general American cheese. Folks up north may not think it goes well with beef, but it’s a kind of cheesiness most southerners like, and even the ones to whom the openness about religion isn’t a plus don’t necessarily mind it to that extent. They’re happy to order it off the menu just like it comes. But it’s never been hyped, marketed or a mainstream menu item. It’ll fill you up well enough, but don’t expect to feel any thrills.
Coach Prime
McDonald’s Monopoly. It’s not even a menu item. It’s just the most hyped marketing promotion of all time. You could win $1 million just for eating your burger. But you can also don’t even have to order any substance to get a game piece—you can go the all hype route and not even worry about the meal itself. It’s showing up in every newspaper, and the ads are 24/7. Some people react to that and can’t stop ordering combos and upsizing their fries to get extra game pieces this month. But just make sure you know you may end up with $300 spent collecting Park Place never to find Boardwalk. The $20 headphones from Atlantic Avenue are super dope, though.
Hugh Freeze
McDonald’s introduces the McRib. Again. It shows up on the menu every few years and gets heavily promoted. You get told you have to try it. It was so flashy when it started out, it even recruited Michael Jordan (albeit you know they had to pay him a heck of a lot to eat the McRib). But now in its third or fourth iteration, you’re not sure who’s coming on board with it. You know someone out there has to like it or they wouldn’t keep bringing it back, but to this day you can’t understand who or why. I mean, it did beat the Whopper a couple times back when the Whopper was in its prime, so there has to be something to it. The “meat” on it seems fake. Kinda rubbery. The sauce is gooey. You kinda suspect McDonald’s somehow lied about its sales numbers because you’ve never talked to anyone who liked it. But you keep getting told you’re going to buy it and like it.
Urban Meyer
The filet mignon, or at least the New York strip. Let’s be real, this is McDonald's. It’s not on the menu.
