Gladiator II (spoiler-free, my bros)
We didn’t get Napoleon’ed!
Let’s be clear, a sequel can fall short of its predecessor, but still be fvckin tits. Ridley Scott completely redeems himself after that bag of ass from last year.
It’s clearly Gladiator II, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel like a reboot, sometimes verging on beat-for-beat remake. This new Gladiator is filmed in a more modern way, abandoning the earthy, grainy tones of the OG. I honestly think that asthetic turned me off as a young cinephile and I always put it off to the point of it now being a running joke with the brAUs. For those who don’t know, I just saw the original this past week.
The Good:
-Denzel basically pulls his dick out and puts it on the table
-Best fights this side of the Creed series. (Post your favorite fight scenes, please). These are all close up, violent, and NO SHAKY CAM!
-I’m not sayin I wood and I’m not sayin I woodn’t, but I’m gonna pray to God tonight that Paul Mescal never asks me to swallow his children.
-Just WILDLY ENTERTAINING
-The Good outweighs The Bad; Know that before the following…
The Bad:
-It’s silly as hell at times, even cheesy. Clearly EPIC at others, making the tone all over the place.
-Pedro Pascal is dreadful until a clearly abrupt increase in quality halfway through. It’s mind bottling.
-Connie Nielsen is just awful throughout.
-some acting is like live Shakespearean tragedy, but also an SNL skit at the same time. Very bizarre.
-Borderline melodramatic at times.
Hasselmeter: 9.1 In true sequel form, it’s bigger and grander straight from the opening credits/battle, both of which are great. If you can get by the very obvious flaws and inferior quality (how much inferior will be the debate), and settle in for fun and spectacle, yore gonna have a good fvckin time. For reference, I’d imagine Gladiator is in the stratosphere of the Hasselmeter, heights I may not have yet awarded.
Worth Theaters?: A Candidate for Most Theater Worthy of the Year. LMAAAAAO that I saw Gladiator after all of you and Gladiator II before 99.9% you cvcks. A great man once said, “So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, EVERYONE.”
We didn’t get Napoleon’ed!
Let’s be clear, a sequel can fall short of its predecessor, but still be fvckin tits. Ridley Scott completely redeems himself after that bag of ass from last year.
It’s clearly Gladiator II, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel like a reboot, sometimes verging on beat-for-beat remake. This new Gladiator is filmed in a more modern way, abandoning the earthy, grainy tones of the OG. I honestly think that asthetic turned me off as a young cinephile and I always put it off to the point of it now being a running joke with the brAUs. For those who don’t know, I just saw the original this past week.
The Good:
-Denzel basically pulls his dick out and puts it on the table
-Best fights this side of the Creed series. (Post your favorite fight scenes, please). These are all close up, violent, and NO SHAKY CAM!
-I’m not sayin I wood and I’m not sayin I woodn’t, but I’m gonna pray to God tonight that Paul Mescal never asks me to swallow his children.
-Just WILDLY ENTERTAINING
-The Good outweighs The Bad; Know that before the following…
The Bad:
-It’s silly as hell at times, even cheesy. Clearly EPIC at others, making the tone all over the place.
-Pedro Pascal is dreadful until a clearly abrupt increase in quality halfway through. It’s mind bottling.
-Connie Nielsen is just awful throughout.
-some acting is like live Shakespearean tragedy, but also an SNL skit at the same time. Very bizarre.
-Borderline melodramatic at times.
Hasselmeter: 9.1 In true sequel form, it’s bigger and grander straight from the opening credits/battle, both of which are great. If you can get by the very obvious flaws and inferior quality (how much inferior will be the debate), and settle in for fun and spectacle, yore gonna have a good fvckin time. For reference, I’d imagine Gladiator is in the stratosphere of the Hasselmeter, heights I may not have yet awarded.
Worth Theaters?: A Candidate for Most Theater Worthy of the Year. LMAAAAAO that I saw Gladiator after all of you and Gladiator II before 99.9% you cvcks. A great man once said, “So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, EVERYONE.”
