(I meant to post this last night but passed out.)
I thought I'd do a remix of an old tradition because this Saturday's game will be played in my home state of South Carolina........... and there's Cocks in the story...........well Dicks at least.
My junior and senior year of high school, I had 3 friends I spent the majority of my time with. 2 were your generic surfer dudes and the other was a Canadian transplant. All 3 were hilarious people.
Elliot looked like Kurt Cobain; wore ripped jeans, flip flops, Quick Silver/Hurley shirts, and was almost 20 as a senior. The dude had a thick 5 O'clock shadow by the end of each day. Think, a 90's Fonzie.
Joey was a 2 time Bob Jones Academy expulee. If you don’t know about Bob Jones Academy in Greenville, SC; it's an ultra strict Christian Academy and College. Circa 1999, when Joey had been officially removed from enrollment; they had a dress code, no physical contact between people of opposite sex, chaperoned dates for college students (no one else was allowed to be formally dating), and a very strict conduct code. Joey had been caught cheating on a final exam 2 semesters in a row and so he had to finish high school in a public setting. Joey typically wore the exact same types of outfits as Elliott, but always with a cardigan sweater. Both guys had bleached blond hair.
Jon was originally from Canada. I had known him since elementary school. He was a tough little guy who played hockey in a men's league because they didn't have kids hockey in Greenville, SC back then. He kind of looked like a short Pete Davidson (big eyes and lips). Like Pete he also seemed to always have a hot chick on the line despite the odd look. He was hung. So big dick energy could've been the reason.
The 4 of us would eat at the cafeteria together and pretty much just roast everyone that walked by. We often degraded each other also. It's just what we did. After we ate we'd all take a piss in the restrooms across from the cafeteria before heading to class.
Sidenote: At some point junior year Elliott had drawn a sketch of a band where all the members of that band were penises. He was bored in class one day and just started drawing a 3 piece band that were phallic shaped. The band became "The Dicks". The guitarist/singer was Cock Cocain (Kurt Cobain). The bass player was Crabs (like Flea from RHCP's). The drummer was Tess T' Cool (like Tre Cool from Green Day). Sometimes Oceans Cummo (spin off of Rivers Cuomo of Weezer) was a guest musician.
So back to the restrooms. 3 of the 4 of us are done pissing and are now washing our hands. I hear Elliott giggling as he's scratching on the wall above the urinal with his car keys. So we turn around from the sinks and start laughing as we watch Elliott carve "The Dicks" sketch into the white paint on the cement block wall.
After a few minutes, Elliott has slipped into a hyperfocused state of artistic creativity. He's so focused that he doesn't realize we aren't laughing anymore. He's so consumed with his art that he doesn't feel the sudden tension in the room. Suddenly, the sound of a throat clearing is heard and Elliott freezes. Elliott turns around to see a very large black man in a suit and tie staring intensely at him. His 3 friends are no longer anywhere to be seen.
Sidenote: Eastside High School's assistant principle was a large black man with the baritone voice of James Earl Jones and a stare that could make you piss yourself. Mr Powers was a man in his mid-50's who looked like he had "seen some shit" in his hardened lifetime and watching a punk kid deface his bathroom walls could be the very thing that sends him on a murderous rampage.
The 3 of us, who weren't artists, had quickly walked into the 3 stalls at the far side of the restroom the second we saw Mr Powers open the door. I guess we all felt it was easier to pretend we had also just walked into the bathroom to see some miscreant keying penises into a wall as he had. And luckily for Elliott, he pissed before Mr Powers had walked in.
Mr Powers: "Young man, what the hell are you doing?"
Elliott: "I don't know."
Mr Powers: "It looks to me like your defacing public property with pornographic material."
Elliott: "I don't know, sir."
Mr Powers: "What's your name?"
Elliott: "Ummm, Elliot T@+!0+, sir."
Mr Powers: "I'm going to give you two options. One, I can have you expelled......... Or two, you can meet me up here this Saturday at 7am to paint as many of these restrooms as you can before I leave at 5pm."
Elliott: "Yessir, I'll see you Saturday."
Elliott left the bathroom while the 3 of us waited for Mr Powers to finish his angry mumblings/pissing. As Mr Powers washed his hands, Joey flushed the toilet in his stall and walked out. Joey greeted Mr Powers with a "Hello Mr P", and all 3 of us quickly walked out. Mr Powers just shook his head as he stared at us in the mirror.
Elliott did spend the entire Saturday painting the bathrooms white. They were already white, but with stains and boogers. Now they were just white. He finished both the boys and girls restrooms next to the cafeteria and the ones near the front foyer. He never made it to the second floor restrooms. 4 bathrooms was enough though.
On Monday, I saw Elliott in the front foyer. He still had some white paint on his arms. He laughed and said, "I sketched "The Dicks" in the handicap stall of the girls bathroom near the foyer while I was painting it. It looks like they are standing on the handicap rail." I was never able to verify it myself, but did overhear some of the goth chicks laughing about "The Dicks" one day. So I guess he did do it. The goth chicks use to sneak cigarettes in the handicap stall, so they'd be the ones to know.
Epilogue: Two of these goth chicks were best friends. Brittany had gigantic bewbs, long black hair and often wore black lipstic and a bodice. They were massive. Her friend's name escapes me, but started with an A, I think. Maybe Amanda or Amy. She had short hair that was dyed crimson red and wore black lipstick and dark eye shadow and knee high boots. They were in my homeroom Junior year and one day they were pretending that they were fighting. You could tell it was pretend cause they kept calling each other whore and laughing and such.
At one point Amanda (I settled on Amanda) said, "bitch, meet me at the flagpole after school!" Brittany said, "you'll probably be sitting on it you slut!" I always thought that was a good retort. Made me laugh. I guess that's why I remembered it after 20 years.
I thought I'd do a remix of an old tradition because this Saturday's game will be played in my home state of South Carolina........... and there's Cocks in the story...........well Dicks at least.
My junior and senior year of high school, I had 3 friends I spent the majority of my time with. 2 were your generic surfer dudes and the other was a Canadian transplant. All 3 were hilarious people.
Elliot looked like Kurt Cobain; wore ripped jeans, flip flops, Quick Silver/Hurley shirts, and was almost 20 as a senior. The dude had a thick 5 O'clock shadow by the end of each day. Think, a 90's Fonzie.
Joey was a 2 time Bob Jones Academy expulee. If you don’t know about Bob Jones Academy in Greenville, SC; it's an ultra strict Christian Academy and College. Circa 1999, when Joey had been officially removed from enrollment; they had a dress code, no physical contact between people of opposite sex, chaperoned dates for college students (no one else was allowed to be formally dating), and a very strict conduct code. Joey had been caught cheating on a final exam 2 semesters in a row and so he had to finish high school in a public setting. Joey typically wore the exact same types of outfits as Elliott, but always with a cardigan sweater. Both guys had bleached blond hair.
Jon was originally from Canada. I had known him since elementary school. He was a tough little guy who played hockey in a men's league because they didn't have kids hockey in Greenville, SC back then. He kind of looked like a short Pete Davidson (big eyes and lips). Like Pete he also seemed to always have a hot chick on the line despite the odd look. He was hung. So big dick energy could've been the reason.
The 4 of us would eat at the cafeteria together and pretty much just roast everyone that walked by. We often degraded each other also. It's just what we did. After we ate we'd all take a piss in the restrooms across from the cafeteria before heading to class.
Sidenote: At some point junior year Elliott had drawn a sketch of a band where all the members of that band were penises. He was bored in class one day and just started drawing a 3 piece band that were phallic shaped. The band became "The Dicks". The guitarist/singer was Cock Cocain (Kurt Cobain). The bass player was Crabs (like Flea from RHCP's). The drummer was Tess T' Cool (like Tre Cool from Green Day). Sometimes Oceans Cummo (spin off of Rivers Cuomo of Weezer) was a guest musician.
So back to the restrooms. 3 of the 4 of us are done pissing and are now washing our hands. I hear Elliott giggling as he's scratching on the wall above the urinal with his car keys. So we turn around from the sinks and start laughing as we watch Elliott carve "The Dicks" sketch into the white paint on the cement block wall.
After a few minutes, Elliott has slipped into a hyperfocused state of artistic creativity. He's so focused that he doesn't realize we aren't laughing anymore. He's so consumed with his art that he doesn't feel the sudden tension in the room. Suddenly, the sound of a throat clearing is heard and Elliott freezes. Elliott turns around to see a very large black man in a suit and tie staring intensely at him. His 3 friends are no longer anywhere to be seen.
Sidenote: Eastside High School's assistant principle was a large black man with the baritone voice of James Earl Jones and a stare that could make you piss yourself. Mr Powers was a man in his mid-50's who looked like he had "seen some shit" in his hardened lifetime and watching a punk kid deface his bathroom walls could be the very thing that sends him on a murderous rampage.
The 3 of us, who weren't artists, had quickly walked into the 3 stalls at the far side of the restroom the second we saw Mr Powers open the door. I guess we all felt it was easier to pretend we had also just walked into the bathroom to see some miscreant keying penises into a wall as he had. And luckily for Elliott, he pissed before Mr Powers had walked in.
Mr Powers: "Young man, what the hell are you doing?"
Elliott: "I don't know."
Mr Powers: "It looks to me like your defacing public property with pornographic material."
Elliott: "I don't know, sir."
Mr Powers: "What's your name?"
Elliott: "Ummm, Elliot T@+!0+, sir."
Mr Powers: "I'm going to give you two options. One, I can have you expelled......... Or two, you can meet me up here this Saturday at 7am to paint as many of these restrooms as you can before I leave at 5pm."
Elliott: "Yessir, I'll see you Saturday."
Elliott left the bathroom while the 3 of us waited for Mr Powers to finish his angry mumblings/pissing. As Mr Powers washed his hands, Joey flushed the toilet in his stall and walked out. Joey greeted Mr Powers with a "Hello Mr P", and all 3 of us quickly walked out. Mr Powers just shook his head as he stared at us in the mirror.
Elliott did spend the entire Saturday painting the bathrooms white. They were already white, but with stains and boogers. Now they were just white. He finished both the boys and girls restrooms next to the cafeteria and the ones near the front foyer. He never made it to the second floor restrooms. 4 bathrooms was enough though.
On Monday, I saw Elliott in the front foyer. He still had some white paint on his arms. He laughed and said, "I sketched "The Dicks" in the handicap stall of the girls bathroom near the foyer while I was painting it. It looks like they are standing on the handicap rail." I was never able to verify it myself, but did overhear some of the goth chicks laughing about "The Dicks" one day. So I guess he did do it. The goth chicks use to sneak cigarettes in the handicap stall, so they'd be the ones to know.
Epilogue: Two of these goth chicks were best friends. Brittany had gigantic bewbs, long black hair and often wore black lipstic and a bodice. They were massive. Her friend's name escapes me, but started with an A, I think. Maybe Amanda or Amy. She had short hair that was dyed crimson red and wore black lipstick and dark eye shadow and knee high boots. They were in my homeroom Junior year and one day they were pretending that they were fighting. You could tell it was pretend cause they kept calling each other whore and laughing and such.
At one point Amanda (I settled on Amanda) said, "bitch, meet me at the flagpole after school!" Brittany said, "you'll probably be sitting on it you slut!" I always thought that was a good retort. Made me laugh. I guess that's why I remembered it after 20 years.
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