FELLAZ,
Heeers a coupla thangz you need to know:
(1)------WE MOOOVIN FORWERD. Errrybody wants “INSTANT GRATIFICATION” in dis werld and I git it.
BUT, itz varry important to realize ware this football program wuz juzt WUN YEER AGO TWO-DAY---------------DEAD!!
(2) ---Want to give a HUGE SHOUTOUT to AU PREZZIDENT ROBERTS!!! Hiz name duzzzn’t git brought up a lot around heeer, but He reeeely, reeely, reeeely helped our football program by sum of his decisions in the lazt yeer or so!!!
Wit that beeehind us,---------LETZ GIT DOWN TO BIZZNESS” :
OFFISHAL PREEE-DIKKKSHUN 7-5
I thank we’ll see sum PROGRESSSS OFFFENTZIVELY .
I thank we'll be a TRANE WRECK DEEEFENTZIVELY.
Letz BRAKE "DIS THANG DOWN"
UMASS
Grate to finally see the boys out in GOD’S KUNTRY. The MINUTEMEN uze a litta bitta of a tricky blocking skeem up frunt that will cause sum confusion early.
Look for running back HASSAN CAWTHORNE to brake wun “BIGGGLY” in the firzt half.
I thank we’ll settle down midway through the sekkund quarta.
THORNE throws 3 TD’s including a 74 YARDER to JAVARRIOUS and we give FREEEEZY hiz firzt win.
AU 53
UMASS 39
CALIFORNYA
Long road trip but a wunderful experience foe any of the kids who ain’t been to Californya.
Thale preeeezent a few problems for THORNE early. GOLDEN BARE LINEBACKA Ezzra Cunningham iz a “MULTI TAZZZKER” and a THUMPER. Thale send him frum the WEAK SIDE all day Long.
REEEVALDO or DEEEEL will need to PICK HIS AZZ UP!!!
Big day for HUNTA and he goes foe a BUCK FITTTY and 2 TD’s.
AU 33
GOLDEN BARES 26
SAMFORD
Love this IN-STATE MATCHUP.
BULLDOG Head Coach Chris HATCHER knows how to SKORE POINTS. I thank thay gave GANESVILLE a big skare a coupla yeeerz ago. Quartabakk Michael Hiers iz a Local Birmingham kid who is TUFF and KAN SLANG IT.
HUGE PICK SIKKKKKKKS by DJ. JAMES gives Auburn sum much needed breeeething room in the 3rd QUARTA.
HOOOOKZ goes off for 3 TD's in dis wun and THORNE iz starting to git TUNED UP!!!!!!!!!!!
AU-----55
SAMFORD 31
TEKKKSEZ A&M
Firzt SEC matchup for FREEEEZY and the BOYEEEEEEEEZ.
You gotta EKKZPEKKT a “GROUND and POUND” JIMBO GAME wit a TOUCH of “GO LONG” PATREEENO game.
Gunna be tuff for uz in dis wun. CAM RILEY haz sum BIg STICKS in dis wun, BUT, it juzt ain’t enuff.
AGGIES 51
Auburn 36
JAWJA
I luv dis matchup. I thank FREEEEEZY will keep this game SIMPLE unlike sum utha Coaches dat weeee’ve had.
The “ATHENS GAME PLAN” iz simple. Run it rite up Auburn’s azz. Soundz perty good UNTIL BIG OLE “HARRIS” gitz a whiff of thangz.
Coach ROBERTS throws 8 MEN IN THE BOKKZ and ERRRYBODIES crying in dat Athens locker room at halftime.
HOWEVA---athens gitz loose on an 89 yard sweep late in the 4th to win dis wun. HOWEVA, KIRBY walks off the field knowing that 2 “MORE REEKROOTING KLASSES” foe FREEEZY-------------and thay made need to chainj the mascot frum a BULLDOG to a TEACUP POOODLE!!!
AU-----26
ATHENS 31
LSU
Mite az well call this one the “KEIONTE SCOTT HOMECOMING” and that sumbitch ain’t even FRUM BATON ROOJ!!!
Letz put it dis way. Beeefour the game, az the teem captains are at the FITTTY YARD LINE---SCOTT lookz across to LSU captain MARCUS LAVALLIE and sez-----”HOW’S YO GRAND MUTHERS NEKKZT DOOR NAYBORS TITTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ DOING???”
2 Inter-seppshuns and a “HOUSE CALL” late in the third quarta on a PUNT RETURN and all of a sudden-------------”STRIPPPPERS ERRRYWARE” on the AUBURN plane ride home!!
Auburn 39-
LSU 37
OLE MISS
BOTH teeemz PUNTAZ git told on Tuesday to take the weekend off. Dis wun, unfortunately, ain’t gunna be pretty for the good guys. Teeeemz combine for neeerly 1,500 yards but Ole Mizz haz more OFFENTZ than we do DEEFENTZ in dis wun. Juzt a scoring FRENZY foe ERRRYBODY in dis wun.
HUNTA goes for over TWO FITTTY foe the firzt time in hiz careeer.
OLE MIZZ 76
AUBURN 67
MIZZIZZIPPI STATE
Grate matchup of 2 teeeemz wit similar ROZZZTAS. Both Quartabakkz come in to the game play ing well and dol not disappoint.
THORNE hitz OMARI KELLY on a "BABY BUBBLE SKREEEN" that KELLY TAKES TO THE HOUSE wit less than 5 minitz remaining to give Auburn a 4 point lead.
ROGERS pass to the end zone iz out of bounds az time expires.
AUBURN 38
STARKVILLE 34
VANDY
Dis wun AIN’T PRETTTY but ole SHORTA grabs a BOMB late in the 2nd Quarta and BATTIE returns a kickoff 111 yards to open the sekkund half. We ain't clicking on all cylinders, BUT, we git outta Nashville unscathed:
Auburn 31
Vandy 19
RAZORBACKS
ARKY Running Back Chaz Mortenson busts loose foe about 275 and the GOOD GUYS go down in this BLUE COLLA SEC BATTLE.
Grate outing for THORNE az he eclipses the 300 yard mark, but we juzt kan't manage to slow them PEZZZKY RAZORBAKKZ down.
ARKY 54
AUBURN 46
NEW MEXICO
HELLO “ASHY” BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! DAWG comes off the SIDELINE to the tune of 307 ALL PURPOSE YARDS in dis one. Heeez helped by a SKREEN to JAY FAIR that goes 98 yards to the WUN YARD LINE.
SEAN JACKZUN duz the rezt of the DIRTY WERK in dis wun.
Auburn 52
NMSU 33
Tuzkalooooza
Maybe the bezt game of the entire KOLLEGE FOOTBALL seazun. Tuzkaloooooza DON'T WANT NUN--------BUT, SEC Commishuner SANKEY delivers a Stern warning to the tuzkalooza Prezzident and Board of Truztees that they MUZT PLAY THIS GAME or forfeit thare chantzes of a post seazun opportunity.
After leeeding 19-13 at the HALF, we throw a coupla PICKS and DROP A PUNT late in the 4th to set up a tuzkalooooza game winning field goal.
tuzkalooooooza 41
Auburn 39
BOWL GAME
"COLACE STOOL SOFTENER BOWL" in GRAND RAPIDS.
Firzt of all, it's GRATE to be back in the BOWL pikkshure again. We take on a GRITTY WIZZZKONSIN teeem who's coming in on a 4 game winning streeeek.
SUMBODY FORGOT TO TELL ALLZZZTUN dat beeeekuzzz he goes foe a "BUCK 75" and THORNE hitz REEEEEVALDO for the GAME WINNNNA wit unda a minit left!!!!
AUBURN 29
Wizzzzkonzin 28
Heeers a coupla thangz you need to know:
(1)------WE MOOOVIN FORWERD. Errrybody wants “INSTANT GRATIFICATION” in dis werld and I git it.
BUT, itz varry important to realize ware this football program wuz juzt WUN YEER AGO TWO-DAY---------------DEAD!!
(2) ---Want to give a HUGE SHOUTOUT to AU PREZZIDENT ROBERTS!!! Hiz name duzzzn’t git brought up a lot around heeer, but He reeeely, reeely, reeeely helped our football program by sum of his decisions in the lazt yeer or so!!!
Wit that beeehind us,---------LETZ GIT DOWN TO BIZZNESS” :
OFFISHAL PREEE-DIKKKSHUN 7-5
I thank we’ll see sum PROGRESSSS OFFFENTZIVELY .
I thank we'll be a TRANE WRECK DEEEFENTZIVELY.
Letz BRAKE "DIS THANG DOWN"
UMASS
Grate to finally see the boys out in GOD’S KUNTRY. The MINUTEMEN uze a litta bitta of a tricky blocking skeem up frunt that will cause sum confusion early.
Look for running back HASSAN CAWTHORNE to brake wun “BIGGGLY” in the firzt half.
I thank we’ll settle down midway through the sekkund quarta.
THORNE throws 3 TD’s including a 74 YARDER to JAVARRIOUS and we give FREEEEZY hiz firzt win.
AU 53
UMASS 39
CALIFORNYA
Long road trip but a wunderful experience foe any of the kids who ain’t been to Californya.
Thale preeeezent a few problems for THORNE early. GOLDEN BARE LINEBACKA Ezzra Cunningham iz a “MULTI TAZZZKER” and a THUMPER. Thale send him frum the WEAK SIDE all day Long.
REEEVALDO or DEEEEL will need to PICK HIS AZZ UP!!!
Big day for HUNTA and he goes foe a BUCK FITTTY and 2 TD’s.
AU 33
GOLDEN BARES 26
SAMFORD
Love this IN-STATE MATCHUP.
BULLDOG Head Coach Chris HATCHER knows how to SKORE POINTS. I thank thay gave GANESVILLE a big skare a coupla yeeerz ago. Quartabakk Michael Hiers iz a Local Birmingham kid who is TUFF and KAN SLANG IT.
HUGE PICK SIKKKKKKKS by DJ. JAMES gives Auburn sum much needed breeeething room in the 3rd QUARTA.
HOOOOKZ goes off for 3 TD's in dis wun and THORNE iz starting to git TUNED UP!!!!!!!!!!!
AU-----55
SAMFORD 31
TEKKKSEZ A&M
Firzt SEC matchup for FREEEEZY and the BOYEEEEEEEEZ.
You gotta EKKZPEKKT a “GROUND and POUND” JIMBO GAME wit a TOUCH of “GO LONG” PATREEENO game.
Gunna be tuff for uz in dis wun. CAM RILEY haz sum BIg STICKS in dis wun, BUT, it juzt ain’t enuff.
AGGIES 51
Auburn 36
JAWJA
I luv dis matchup. I thank FREEEEEZY will keep this game SIMPLE unlike sum utha Coaches dat weeee’ve had.
The “ATHENS GAME PLAN” iz simple. Run it rite up Auburn’s azz. Soundz perty good UNTIL BIG OLE “HARRIS” gitz a whiff of thangz.
Coach ROBERTS throws 8 MEN IN THE BOKKZ and ERRRYBODIES crying in dat Athens locker room at halftime.
HOWEVA---athens gitz loose on an 89 yard sweep late in the 4th to win dis wun. HOWEVA, KIRBY walks off the field knowing that 2 “MORE REEKROOTING KLASSES” foe FREEEZY-------------and thay made need to chainj the mascot frum a BULLDOG to a TEACUP POOODLE!!!
AU-----26
ATHENS 31
LSU
Mite az well call this one the “KEIONTE SCOTT HOMECOMING” and that sumbitch ain’t even FRUM BATON ROOJ!!!
Letz put it dis way. Beeefour the game, az the teem captains are at the FITTTY YARD LINE---SCOTT lookz across to LSU captain MARCUS LAVALLIE and sez-----”HOW’S YO GRAND MUTHERS NEKKZT DOOR NAYBORS TITTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ DOING???”
2 Inter-seppshuns and a “HOUSE CALL” late in the third quarta on a PUNT RETURN and all of a sudden-------------”STRIPPPPERS ERRRYWARE” on the AUBURN plane ride home!!
Auburn 39-
LSU 37
OLE MISS
BOTH teeemz PUNTAZ git told on Tuesday to take the weekend off. Dis wun, unfortunately, ain’t gunna be pretty for the good guys. Teeeemz combine for neeerly 1,500 yards but Ole Mizz haz more OFFENTZ than we do DEEFENTZ in dis wun. Juzt a scoring FRENZY foe ERRRYBODY in dis wun.
HUNTA goes for over TWO FITTTY foe the firzt time in hiz careeer.
OLE MIZZ 76
AUBURN 67
MIZZIZZIPPI STATE
Grate matchup of 2 teeeemz wit similar ROZZZTAS. Both Quartabakkz come in to the game play ing well and dol not disappoint.
THORNE hitz OMARI KELLY on a "BABY BUBBLE SKREEEN" that KELLY TAKES TO THE HOUSE wit less than 5 minitz remaining to give Auburn a 4 point lead.
ROGERS pass to the end zone iz out of bounds az time expires.
AUBURN 38
STARKVILLE 34
VANDY
Dis wun AIN’T PRETTTY but ole SHORTA grabs a BOMB late in the 2nd Quarta and BATTIE returns a kickoff 111 yards to open the sekkund half. We ain't clicking on all cylinders, BUT, we git outta Nashville unscathed:
Auburn 31
Vandy 19
RAZORBACKS
ARKY Running Back Chaz Mortenson busts loose foe about 275 and the GOOD GUYS go down in this BLUE COLLA SEC BATTLE.
Grate outing for THORNE az he eclipses the 300 yard mark, but we juzt kan't manage to slow them PEZZZKY RAZORBAKKZ down.
ARKY 54
AUBURN 46
NEW MEXICO
HELLO “ASHY” BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! DAWG comes off the SIDELINE to the tune of 307 ALL PURPOSE YARDS in dis one. Heeez helped by a SKREEN to JAY FAIR that goes 98 yards to the WUN YARD LINE.
SEAN JACKZUN duz the rezt of the DIRTY WERK in dis wun.
Auburn 52
NMSU 33
Tuzkalooooza
Maybe the bezt game of the entire KOLLEGE FOOTBALL seazun. Tuzkaloooooza DON'T WANT NUN--------BUT, SEC Commishuner SANKEY delivers a Stern warning to the tuzkalooza Prezzident and Board of Truztees that they MUZT PLAY THIS GAME or forfeit thare chantzes of a post seazun opportunity.
After leeeding 19-13 at the HALF, we throw a coupla PICKS and DROP A PUNT late in the 4th to set up a tuzkalooooza game winning field goal.
tuzkalooooooza 41
Auburn 39
BOWL GAME
"COLACE STOOL SOFTENER BOWL" in GRAND RAPIDS.
Firzt of all, it's GRATE to be back in the BOWL pikkshure again. We take on a GRITTY WIZZZKONSIN teeem who's coming in on a 4 game winning streeeek.
SUMBODY FORGOT TO TELL ALLZZZTUN dat beeeekuzzz he goes foe a "BUCK 75" and THORNE hitz REEEEEVALDO for the GAME WINNNNA wit unda a minit left!!!!
AUBURN 29
Wizzzzkonzin 28
