This dude is hilarious. His favorite story to tell by far is the one about the time he got bit by a water moccasin and didn't go to the doctor. I think it happened around 40 years ago but he's framed his life around that event. It was such an incredibly stupid thing to have done, but you can tell he's so proud of how tough and willfully ignorant he was.
Anyway, this morning he told a story that encapsulates everything that is "Bill" and I hope I can convey how hilarious it was through text. I'll probably fail.
So Bill has been married four times. On his second marriage, he and his wife went to Hawaii for their honeymoon. While they were there, Bill wanted to try ziplining, so they did. Evidently at this ziplining place you started out just above the trees and then come to a stop in the middle of the ride to enjoy the view before moving on over more trees towards the end. I've never been ziplining myself, so I'm not exactly sure how it works.
Bill is a big dude. He probably goes 6'3" 250 lbs and he's always been about that size. According to Bill, he expressed his concern with the zipline guy that his feet might hit the tops of the trees, but the dude told him no one had ever even come close to hitting them, so Bill proceeded and started his ziplining adventure.
You can probably see where this is going. Not only did Bill's feet touch the trees, according to him, he was fully submerged in the forest. Limbs were smacking him in the face and balls for the entire first half of the ride. I guess you're supposed to stop yourself halfway through to enjoy the view, but Bill couldn't stop, so he flew right through that part with branches hanging all over him. While all this was happening, his helmet had come off and the strap was choking him to death. Bill said the second half was more trees and somehow he got turned around and was going backwards, which he says might have saved him from getting his legs broken since he suffered a few hard hits before reaching the end of the ride. He says he was covered head to toe in scrapes and bruises and probably had a concussion (Bill strikes me as the type of dude who knows when he's concussed), but, in true Bill form, refused to see a doctor. To put a bow on it, my homeboy Bill informed me, "I'm never doing that again."
Bill just left about half an hour ago. I can't wait to see him again.
Anyway, this morning he told a story that encapsulates everything that is "Bill" and I hope I can convey how hilarious it was through text. I'll probably fail.
So Bill has been married four times. On his second marriage, he and his wife went to Hawaii for their honeymoon. While they were there, Bill wanted to try ziplining, so they did. Evidently at this ziplining place you started out just above the trees and then come to a stop in the middle of the ride to enjoy the view before moving on over more trees towards the end. I've never been ziplining myself, so I'm not exactly sure how it works.
Bill is a big dude. He probably goes 6'3" 250 lbs and he's always been about that size. According to Bill, he expressed his concern with the zipline guy that his feet might hit the tops of the trees, but the dude told him no one had ever even come close to hitting them, so Bill proceeded and started his ziplining adventure.
You can probably see where this is going. Not only did Bill's feet touch the trees, according to him, he was fully submerged in the forest. Limbs were smacking him in the face and balls for the entire first half of the ride. I guess you're supposed to stop yourself halfway through to enjoy the view, but Bill couldn't stop, so he flew right through that part with branches hanging all over him. While all this was happening, his helmet had come off and the strap was choking him to death. Bill said the second half was more trees and somehow he got turned around and was going backwards, which he says might have saved him from getting his legs broken since he suffered a few hard hits before reaching the end of the ride. He says he was covered head to toe in scrapes and bruises and probably had a concussion (Bill strikes me as the type of dude who knows when he's concussed), but, in true Bill form, refused to see a doctor. To put a bow on it, my homeboy Bill informed me, "I'm never doing that again."
Bill just left about half an hour ago. I can't wait to see him again.
